Mental Health on teddywrites

What 2025 Left Behind

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

2025 Was a weird year. I wanted it to be a much better one. It had everything I needed.

January,

I got promoted, I was happy. I was looking forward to being much happier.

February,

I fell in love. After a few long years, I did. I didn’t know I had it in me. I was happier, maybe that was the happiest I’ve been in awhile. It was perfect.

March,

Walls

Wed, 12 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Do you know what’s not fair? It’s when you leave a bad relationship and you are the one who’s left suffering. Trying not to feel anymore, trying to walk on eggshells around emotions because they’ve become so fragile that you don’t feel like you can entrust someone with them.

And then, you’ll put up countless walls because of different reasons. These walls will have different traumas and in the middle of those walls you will rest on a pedestal waiting for someone to approach you to tell you that things will be okay again.

Revisiting Burnout

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

I Hate Thinking

I always have. It drags me down a strange, twisting rollercoaster of emotions. No safety bar, no map, just a plunge into the unknown. I always end up in the same dark corner of my mind. A place crowded with what ifs, should haves, and why nots.

And I hate it there.

It’s noisy, uncertain, and heavy.

Still, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I always find my way back. Sometimes, I go there without even realizing it. Just a quiet moment, a breath too long, a silence too wide. And suddenly, I’m spiraling again.

Dose of Reality

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Have you ever been hit by a sudden dose of reality?

One moment, you’re calm and content. Next, you’re questioning everything you’ve ever done. And then, just like that, the thought creeps in, what if you’re not enough?

It doesn’t just pass. It lingers, gnawing at the edges of your mind, a constant hum of doubt that won’t quiet down. You try to drown it out with work, with noise, with anything that keeps your brain too busy to spiral. Because as long as you’re occupied, you’re fine. But the moment your mind is free to wander, the dread crashes in, heavy and suffocating.

Eternal Dance of Life

Sun, 02 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Hi.

“You’ve been awfully silent the past few days,” she said.

“Yeah, I have. Just had a lot on my mind.”

I think I’ve seen this before. You, me, and this eternal dance around the obvious. Last time, I barely survived the ending.

I always believed that one day, I’d be strong enough to go through it again. Turns out, I’m not.

Because at the end of this dance, you’ll have someone to fall back into. And I won’t.

Talking with Myself

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Hi, It’s me. Yeah I know. You only come to me when you’re struggling with your emotions and shit. Hey, be kind. I’m you. You can’t be that mad at yours.. Oh. yeah. Now you get it. Fine, What did I do this time? Nothing. And? Nothing. That’s the issue. You had everything perfectly aligned to your happiness and you did nothing. I thought that’s the point when things are lining up? No you fucking Idiot. Nobody can believe that shit. You need to do something in order for things to happen. Oh. You fucking donkey. Now what? Now Wha.. Are you fucking listening to me? Or Are you just that dumb. Hey, again, I’m you. Be kind. I have things going on and I don’t have time to be rational everytime. That’s why you’re here. Ok fine. Ugh, It irks me to say this but I think for now, Just wait. Don’t screw it up more than you have already done.

Old Self

Fri, 27 Sep 2024 00:00:00 +0000

I often stumble upon people telling me that they miss their old selves. Funny they are. I’ve always wanted to ask them whether they even remembered who they used to be. I mean, I can’t remember who the fuck I was yesterday let alone my oldself. How do people keep saying that they miss someone when they clearly have no idea who they were before?

Maybe I’m too grumpy after not writing anything for a long time but to me, missing my old self is nothing but a weird excuse for the person who they’ve become. Why would you want to go back if you’re a better person than before? The only reason you miss or wish to go back to who you once were is because either you don’t like who you’ve become or you feel like you’ve failed your own expectations. Either way, that’s not something you can fix by praying or wishing to be your oldself.

Liquid Courage

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 00:00:00 +0000

ring ring ring

“Hello?” a voice on the other end replied.

“Hey, man, it’s me, Max,” I enthusiastically said.

“Holy fu… Where the hell have you been? It’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it? When did we last talk?” he asked.

“I can’t remember, really. Probably a year ago, I guess?” I replied.

“It should be. So why did you suddenly manifest? What’s going on with your life, man?” he was curious.

Tired

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 00:00:00 +0000

I’m a little bit tired.

I was procrastinating for a while, well that’s very mildly put to be honest. I haven’t written anything lately.

I was busy, yes. But I think it’s mostly due to not having anything to write about.

These feelings are quite funny. They catch up to us when we weren’t expecting. All they need is a slight slip of reality to come rushing in.

So, I guess I’m not invulnerable to it. I thought I was.

Metaphorical Web

Thu, 15 Dec 2022 00:00:00 +0000

I’m stuck.

I’m stuck in a metaphorical web I created myself.

I’m stuck in need of constant validation to keep my motivation up and running.

I’m stuck in this self-made web of self constraints.

Did you know that spiders make these webs out of their Ass? I was probably thinking out of my ass when I created this metaphorical web as well.

It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still stuck.

The Story of Harry

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

No, No. You don’t understand. She was trying to make amends. She knew what she did was wrong and all she wanted was a chance to prove that she deserved a new life as much as the next criminal who gets one. And this city opened up like a bottomless chasm and swallowed her whole. And you still think this is fair? James was screaming in the rain. A gun in his hand and droplets of water getting mixed downstream of tears on his face.

Into the Sunset — A Short Story

Thu, 09 Sep 2021 18:29:15 +0000

It isn’t easy, you know. Eventually, you’ll start to see me as I see myself right now, and the feelings you have for me will fade away like they never existed in the first place.

You see, love as we define it is relative to the opinion we have of someone. As long as you consider me a proper person to share your time with and tolerate the existence of me beside you till death do us part, you will continue to love me. If and when you lose that opinion, you’ll start to see the flaws you have actively ignored until now.

The Grind

Mon, 26 Oct 2020 11:55:36 +0000

Dying is easy.

Contrary to what people say it’s not a hard decision to take with all the shit that’s going around. You can simply say that you had enough or you’re worthless and you’re left with no choice but end it all.

Do you know what’s hard though? Living. No matter whatever the shit you have try living for a change. It’s hard and you always want to give up but it’s worth everything. When you achieve things in life you’ll realise that you never would’ve felt it if you decide to end your life. That’s what life is a well rewarding grind that you got to endure. Not everyone will go through it but to those who do you’re awesome and keep doing whatever you’re doing to make it happen.

I Feel Nothing

Sat, 29 Aug 2020 23:10:34 +0000

I can write thousands of stories filled with cheap romance and yet feel nothing of it. The words i write seems fake to me but i find people making sense of it. In reality it’s just a desperate attempt to create a feeling that I have lost throughout the time. It used to be so genuine and calming but now it feels forced. Sometimes i just want to believe that it is possible to lose feelings and be apathetic, i really do. But why does it feel like my heart breaks every time when something goes bad.

Alone and Depressed

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 16:15:14 +0000

I just want to talk to someone,
Or scream how much of a pain i am in.
Even though I try to convince myself that this’ll end
It won’t.
It’s not Physical pain to be treated.
Everytime i see myself in mirror,
I see someone who’s struggling to survive.
I see someone who’s in pain,
I see someone who’s about to end it all.
I wish i had the resolve to go through it,
But i don’t.
I’m in an dilemma,
Should i stay alive and suffer so it might get better
or
Should I just end it all and let myself be free
It’s hard when you have to build from scratch
It’s hard when you have to put up the bread for family
It’s hard to live with delusional parents who thinks that we’re fine
The Truth is we’re not.
They fucked up,
They fucked it up all.
and they are too delusional to admit it.
I just want to leave and start over,
So at least I’ll be able to survive this mess.
I know this doesn’t make sense
But,
I hope you’d understand it.

Writing, Depression and Curses

Sat, 15 Aug 2020 07:02:33 +0000

It’s hard to describe a feeling when you’re not feeling it yourself. You can try, but it won’t work. It’ll end up being a version of your most common feeling. You can convince yourself that it is the real feeling but you know that it isn’t. Be it anything good or bad if you can’t feel it for yourself, you can’t.

I write depressing stuff. Mostly because when i got into writing, I was depressed most of the time. So every word I wrote was embedded with it, molded by it and came out as it is. I couldn’t write something Happy even if you held me at a gunpoint. Even now I’m less depressed or used to it now, i still can’t find my way around words. I guess I’m cursed for life and won’t be able to write something Happy after all. But if i write that’s all that matters to me. Writing ease the emotional distress I’m in. It saved me from lots of things and i owe my life to my hobby.

Dear 17-Year-Old Me

Sat, 15 Aug 2020 06:54:58 +0000

Dear 17 year old me,

I’m sorry but i couldn’t become what you wanted.
I’m not a Singer or a Musician,
You wanted me to Marry by 25,
Well, fuck! It takes a lot to even find someone to marry,
I couldn’t find her, yet.
You were happy, I’m not
You weren’t depressed, I am
You had someone you thought you loved, I don’t.
You were wrong about society of future,
You were wrong about people around you,,
The ones who you thought would stay, they left.
The ones you thought who wouldn’t, they stayed.
You weren’t ready for all the heartbreaks,
You weren’t ready for all the sadness,
You weren’t ready for anything at all,
I don’t blame you,
You tried your best,

Hopes

Sat, 11 Aug 2018 16:35:35 +0000

Tick tock, Tick tock time’s running out. Every breath i take seems like it’s the last one. I was wondering what I’m gonna do with my life like always. It seems that things won’t go in my way, never. Life was never is, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this hard. If it was just a bit easier so i can sinply manage.

Writer’s Block

Mon, 06 Aug 2018 15:43:30 +0000

Writers block is the worst thing that can happen to a writer. It keeps happening to me. No matter how much I try to keep up with it all fails. I suddenly lose motivation, my writings get deleted because i forgot to save it or many others reasons that are completely out of ordinary. Still i try because once in a blue moon i write something mind blowing that makes me flip out and ask myself did i do that? So here I am for the nth time and hoping this would stick and hoping I can pull out some rabbits out of hat or at least a carrot. Before I go,

Note to Myself

Sun, 05 Aug 2018 20:25:50 +0000

I used to be a good writer. But something stopped me from writing. I never wanted to take a pen or open up a blog draft again. I was consumed to a point where i despised reading. I despised every aspect of it. It’s like breaking up with your long-term partner and keep saying you’d do fine without her. Eventually you’ll learn how to do it but you won’t ever be the same again. I wrote this little note as a reminder to myself. So if you’re reading this teddy, don’t give up on writing. That’s where your heart lies.

Returning to Blogging

Wed, 14 Mar 2018 06:24:00 +0000

Okay, This Sucks. I’m known to rant about everything but in reality I’m doing it all in my head. No real words, No Audience. I rant to make myself comfortable or to escape from Life itself. I used to be this bright kid who spew sunshine out of my ass or i think i was. I can’t exactly remember as depression sweep me of my feet and made me its bitch. So I decided to rant on a blog which i created 4 years ago, and have 2 posts. that’s how lazy i was. Very.